Clean humor

A friend sent this and I find it to be clean and clever....

1.  My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got canned. Couldn't  concentrate .

 

2.  Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but just couldn't hack it,  so they gave me the axe.

3.  After that, I tried being a Tailor, but wasn't suited for it--mainly  because it was a sew-sew job.  

4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that  was too exhausting.  

5.  Then, tried being a Chef-figured it would add a little spice to my life, but just didn't have the thyme.  

6.  Next, I attempted being a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it... couldn't cut the mustard.  

 7.  My best job was a Musician, but eventually found  I wasn't noteworthy.

8.  I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but didn't have any patience.  

9.  Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. Tried hard but just didn't fit in.  

10.I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered I couldn't live on my net income.  

11.  Managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company, but the work was just too draining.  

12. So then I got a job in a Workout Center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.  

 13.  After many years of trying to find steady work , I finally got  a job as a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it.

14.  My last job was working in Starbucks, but had to quit because it was the same old grind.  

15 . SO, I TRIED RETIREMENT AND I FOUND I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB!